1 00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,158 ♪ 2 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:29,330 JEEF: Cardassian disruptor, Klingon disruptor, 3 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,332 Romulan disruptor. Why are we throwing out 4 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,665 so many disruptors? 5 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,102 Orders from the Grand Nagus. 6 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,370 No more arms sales. We're going straight. 7 00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:38,506 But these are worth a fortune. 8 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,607 Rom doesn't care. 9 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,442 He says equality and hospitality 10 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,177 are more profitable in the long run. 11 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,912 I want to be rich now. 12 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,614 What even is this thing? 13 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,616 Careful! That's a Genesis Device! 14 00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,451 No, it isn't. It's too small. 15 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,520 It's an updated portable version. 16 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,622 These are used to terraform planets. 17 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,490 You could have rearranged our molecules. 18 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,559 We should rearrange the captain's molecules 19 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:00,594 for leaving so much latinum on the table. 20 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:03,063 We could buy a ship with this. Maybe even a fleet. 21 00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:06,267 Gem doesn't care. He thinks Rom is the next Lonz. 22 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,602 - (alarm blares) - We're under attack! 23 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:11,839 (chuckles) Right on time. 24 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,514 Move us away from that ship. Full impulse. 25 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,550 But, Captain, they could be looking to trade. 26 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,586 It's always good business to know about new customers 27 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:26,820 before they walk in your door. 28 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,157 Ah, ah. Rule of acquisition 62: 29 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:32,025 "The riskier the road, the greater the profit." 30 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,494 Come on, get on with it. 31 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,763 Jeef, you're up to something. I can smell it. 32 00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,497 I don't know what you're talking about. 33 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,633 You're only here as a favor to my cousin. 34 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:42,002 I never trusted you. Throw him out the airlock! 35 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,604 They told me we would make a profit. 36 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,539 GEM: I knew it! 37 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,907 They're firing at us! 38 00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:50,043 (screaming) 39 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:55,783 ♪ 40 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,102 ♪ 41 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,639 ♪ 42 00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,919 FREEMAN: Captain's log, stardate 58901.. 43 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:09,056 The Cerritos has traveled to Ferenginar. 44 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,825 The Ferengi leadership is submitting a formal application 45 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:14,462 to begin the process of joining the Federation... 46 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:17,298 An alliance that could benefit the entire quadrant. 47 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:20,000 This may just be a first step, 48 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,936 but it's still a historic occasion. 49 00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:24,838 I hope you've been practicing your notarizing. 50 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,275 You are about to witness the quickest signing 51 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,476 in Starfleet history. 52 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,110 These are the Ferengi, Admiral. 53 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,812 I think we should be prepared for... 54 00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,814 A cakewalk? (Scoffs) We're not dealing with 55 00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:36,149 the old Ferenginar anymore. Rom and Leeta 56 00:03:36,183 --> 00:03:38,185 have brought so much progressive change, 57 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,521 it makes Moab IV inside the dome 58 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,324 look like Moab IV outside the dome. 59 00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,259 (laughs) 60 00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:47,828 Well, you-you'd get it if you'd ever been to Moab IV. 61 00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:50,364 Respectfully, sir, the tenth rule of acquisition... 62 00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:52,566 Whoever's been attacking ships across the quadrant 63 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,402 has disrupted their trade routes. 64 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,537 Rom is desperate for Federation resources. 65 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,872 This is just an application. We'll be in and out in no time. 66 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,207 - (door whooshes open) - (assistant clears throat) 67 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,909 Announcing Grand Nagus Rom 68 00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,644 and First Clerk Leeta. 69 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,013 Welcome, Grand Nagus. 70 00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:09,216 I am honored to have you aboard the Toronto. 71 00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,751 The pleasure is ours, Admiral. 72 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:14,054 We offer you this ceremonial bust of good fortune. 73 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,122 Oh, thank you. 74 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:17,491 The likeness is quite flattering. 75 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,527 We also offer you the ceremonial invoice 76 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,094 for the bust of good fortune. 77 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,596 How much is... Oh, my. 78 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,997 In the spirit of unity, 79 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,567 we gave you the "friends and family" discount. 80 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,603 - Um, did you bring any latinum? - (sighs) 81 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,005 RUTHERFORD: See here on the stabilizers? 82 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,507 I was thinking if we repositioned the... 83 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,742 - Matrix? - We could... 84 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,109 - Beef up the dampeners? - And... 85 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:38,278 - Get a .005% smoother ride. - I was gonna say 86 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,814 win engineering's "most beefed-up dampener" competition, 87 00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:42,049 but, yeah, that, too. 88 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,352 - (both laughing) - Mariner, geez. 89 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,286 You've been weathering that stem bolt for so long, 90 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,722 it probably can't even self-seal anymore. What's up? 91 00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:50,724 Nothing. I'm doing great. Uh, Ransom 92 00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,526 is supportive of everything I want to do. 93 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:53,927 For the first time in years, 94 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,063 I have total autonomy and zero complaints. 95 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,666 So, why are you sitting here looking pissed off? 96 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,200 Stop staring at me. Shut up. 97 00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,635 Lieutenant junior grades. 98 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,103 Lieutenant juniors grade? 99 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,805 Lieutenants junior grade? Whatever. 100 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,307 You four just pulled the most coveted job at Starfleet. 101 00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,877 BOTH: Balancing the positron compression chamber?! 102 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,945 No. Travel guide duty! 103 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,313 I thought that was a myth. 104 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,915 What's travel guide duty? 105 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,385 Starfleet has travel guides for all habitable planets. 106 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:21,121 The file for Ferenginar hasn't been updated in years, so... 107 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,757 Starfleet's gonna foot the bill for us to go to as many bars, 108 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,759 restaurants, bars, hotels, pubs, bars, 109 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,828 saloons, cantinas and bars as we want. 110 00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,797 Also museums, historical sites, 111 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,832 but, basically, yeah, it's mostly bars. 112 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,901 Oh. How many places do people usually review? 113 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:35,403 I don't know. Four or five? 114 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,670 Great. I'm gonna do 40. 115 00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:38,005 I'll pack my schedule so full 116 00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:40,040 that I do everything and enjoy nothing. 117 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,609 It's not a contest, Lieutenant. 118 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:42,909 - You can take your... - Sir, 119 00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,211 I'm only a lieutenant junior grade. 120 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,746 I have everything to prove. (gasps) 121 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,415 I need to make an itinerary! 122 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,016 (whimpering) 123 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,350 Does he drink a lot of coffee? 124 00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,485 - Oh, yeah. - Mm-hmm, tons. 125 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,853 We also need someone to act 126 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,455 as a couple. And since the Cerritos is 127 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,857 statistically the horniest and least romantically committed 128 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,593 crew in Starfleet, we have no married officers aboard. 129 00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:02,329 You want us to pretend to be married and review stuff? 130 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,231 - Oh, that sounds hilarious. - (giggles) 131 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,299 Yeah, we're already such a good team, we finish each other's... 132 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:08,469 - Diophantine equations. - (laughing) 133 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,439 Maybe I should have Honus and Nurse Westlake 134 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,773 take a crack at it. 135 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,742 Commander, we are an expert science team. 136 00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,010 I'm pretty sure we can handle a fake romance. 137 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,480 - Let's go get packed, honey. - (snorts) 138 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,882 (laughing) 139 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,150 You pulled some strings to get us assigned 140 00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,585 to travel guide duty, didn't you? 141 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:25,919 I might have had something to do with it. 142 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,855 Ugh, why is it so weird when you're nice? 143 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,690 Because I'm also so handsome. 144 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,358 Total package. 145 00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,793 (grumbles) 146 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,131 Wow. 147 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,300 - (giggles) - (exclaims) 148 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,681 Wow. Oh, it's like what heaven would look like 149 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,382 if God was stupid. 150 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,217 Oh, I'm just so excited to haggle at 151 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,786 the Museum of Gambling. (Gasps) 152 00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,387 Oh, and gamble at the Museum of Haggling! 153 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,056 Let's go find the honeymoon suite, pudding bear. 154 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,692 Right this way, muffin skunk. 155 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:05,793 - (laughing) - Excellent cutesy speak. 156 00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,628 Yeah, just nice and natural 157 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:08,762 and definitely the way people talk. 158 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,163 Now, if you'll excuse me, 159 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,632 I promised a friend I'd meet up with him. 160 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,166 And I have to squeeze 161 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,068 an unforgiving amount of experiences into my day. 162 00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,471 - We sound natural, right? - Totally. 163 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:19,740 We got married at a wedding. 164 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,143 This way, my sweet wife. 165 00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:25,212 I'm so excited to wake you up from a deep sleep 166 00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,047 whenever it sounds like you're having a nightmare. 167 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,982 And I'm excited to know how you like your hamburgers 168 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,784 so I can order them for you and ask the waiter 169 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,284 to take it back when they've made it wrong. 170 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,321 I'm not gonna feel weird about using your toothbrush 171 00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,156 because our gums are in a partnership. 172 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,158 Yeah, and I'm gonna wear your gym shorts around 173 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,260 our shared quarters with nothing up top 174 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,063 because who cares about nudity with our situation? 175 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:46,634 - (chuckles) You-you are? - Sure. I, uh... 176 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,802 I love being married to my husband. 177 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,838 I love you, too. 178 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,474 You know what, maybe we should just go back to the ship. 179 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:57,110 Yeah, pretending to be married is kind of weird. 180 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,478 - Let's... - FERENGI: Ah! 181 00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,582 Our Starfleet VIPs. Attention, everyone. 182 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:04,618 These young lovers are getting a great deal. 183 00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:05,986 (guests gasping) 184 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,056 (guests cheering) 185 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,569 All right. (Grunts) 186 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:25,072 Dropping bags off in hotel room is off the list. 187 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,074 We got the for-profit minibar, the for-profit toilet, 188 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,842 the machine that charges you to pay for the toilet 189 00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:29,910 and the minibar. 190 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,812 View screen works. 191 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,346 That's everything. 192 00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:35,948 I give this hotel a nine out of ten. 193 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,318 Now, off to the Museum of Bribery. 194 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,120 (music playing) 195 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,688 Oh, weird. A what-you-call-it... 196 00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,557 A "commer-seal"? 197 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,058 Ooh. 198 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,864 - Aah! - You're fired. 199 00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,767 ANNOUNCER: Slug-O Cola. This happens to everyone who drinks it. 200 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:55,803 (laughs) They just lie to you? 201 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,805 Hilarious. Well, time to head out. 202 00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:01,308 ANNOUNCER: And now, Pog & Dar: Cop Landlords. 203 00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,176 - (funky music playing) - Huh? Mm. 204 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,713 This is like a holo-novel, but way sleazier. 205 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,147 (both shouting) 206 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,017 POG: You're making my partner mad. 207 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,185 - Just sign the lease, dirtbag. - MALE: No. 208 00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,955 (indistinct conversations) 209 00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:18,992 Hey, Quimp. 210 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:22,162 Well, if it isn't my favorite pathetic human. 211 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:24,798 - Is that a new pip I see? - Uh, yep. 212 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:27,668 - I'm an LJG again, for now. - (laughs) 213 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,502 Congratulations. I never thought 214 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,471 you'd dig your way out of crashing that Oberth. 215 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,207 Ditto. Still, being a lieutenant kind of sucks. 216 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,010 My stupid mentor won't stop trying to make feel like 217 00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:39,012 a valued part of the team. 218 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,148 Oh, sounds like a real nightmare. 219 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,549 You would hate it, too. But whatever. 220 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,284 You know, I'm excited to leave all that behind 221 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,086 - so we can hang. - Read my mind. 222 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,421 Hey, maybe some brunch? Casual meal with some yogurt. 223 00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,790 Two shots of Cardassian tequila and a dagger of the mind 224 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,192 - on the rocks. - Wow. 225 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,027 That's pretty hard for 10:00 a.IN. 226 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,363 It's 10:00 a.IN.? Ooh, make it three shots. 227 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,532 Ha! I'll have the same. It'll be fun to let loose. 228 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:00,868 Uh, yeah. I need it. 229 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,402 Where'd you even get that one? 230 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,005 - He didn't bring the drinks yet. - Do we care? 231 00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,674 - (glass shatters) - MALE: Hey! 232 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,677 VASSERY: Now, Mr. Grand Nagus... 233 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,912 - Just Nagus. - Sorry. Nagus. 234 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,547 Grand Nagus. 235 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:18,151 Now that we have paid our ceremonial invoice, 236 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:19,720 perhaps we should focus on the application? 237 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,254 Uh, it's a boilerplate... 238 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:24,191 Ooh! Do you still play baseball? We should put in there 239 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,993 that Ferenginar gets to play baseball. 240 00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,627 I like baseball. It's fun. 241 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:30,764 I think we can slip that in. (chuckles) 242 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:34,534 If that's the type of adjustment you need to get this done. 243 00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,170 I'm just a former bartender, but I was looking at the numbers 244 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:39,773 and was wondering if they could be different. 245 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,642 Different numbers? I'm not sure what you mean. 246 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,011 - Just a moment, my love. - (gasps) 247 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,379 Oh. Baseball. 248 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:50,117 Listen, my husband isn't exactly a shrewd businessman. 249 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,785 He just likes to feel involved. 250 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,854 Ah, I think I see what you mean. 251 00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:56,189 Play ball! 252 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,424 (laughs) 253 00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,326 - Admiral, a word, please? - Stand down, Captain. 254 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,428 You were saying, First Clerk? 255 00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,096 If we can open up the document 256 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,232 and let him shuffle around a couple of numbers, 257 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,834 he'll feel like he accomplished something. 258 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,669 - I don't see any problem with that. - (clears throat) 259 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,706 This is a classic dumb cop/ reasonable cop routine. 260 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,442 The terms of the membership application are locked, 261 00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,878 - but if we open them up... - Thank you for the input, Captain, 262 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,279 but we'll be fine. 263 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:20,480 - He's practically a child. - ROM: One, two, 264 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,949 - three strikes. - (glass shatters) 265 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,216 - You're out. - VASSERY: Grand Nagus, 266 00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:24,617 I've just reopened the contract. 267 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,319 Why don't you show me some of the numbers 268 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,455 that seem wrong, and we'll fix them together? 269 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,358 We'll start on page 11, subsection B, 270 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,560 incentivization vis-à-vis the great Ferengi people 271 00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:36,363 and our reluctant acceptance of your Federation. 272 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,331 - She means bribes. - Then we'll move 273 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,934 to the tariffs on Ferengi exports to outlying territories. 274 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:43,236 DAR: Freeze! You're under arrest for having a pet 275 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,438 over 25 pounds in one of my units. 276 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,175 He was 20 pounds when I got hi. I swear... (shouts) 277 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,243 - Aah! - Aah! 278 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,511 DAR: You just surrendered your deposit 279 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,281 - and your life. - (Pog coughing) 280 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,183 I'm not gonna make it, partner. 281 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,818 Hey, you hang on one second, buddy. 282 00:11:57,851 --> 00:12:00,453 I just need to enjoy the crisp, refreshing taste 283 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,422 - of a Slug-O Cola. - (laughs) 284 00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,058 Oh, they put commercials in the shows? 285 00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:07,260 It's like mind control. 286 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,962 Transfer your latinum to me, 287 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:10,998 or I'll tell everyone you supported tenants' rights. 288 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,866 (coughs) I'm proud to be scammed 289 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,536 by a landlord cop as conniving as you, partner. 290 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,438 (groans) 291 00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,508 Okay, I guess I should finally do my... 292 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,110 ANNOUNCER: Up next... Will They, Won't They? 293 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,477 The workplace sitcom where everyone 294 00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,612 is secretly in love with each other. 295 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,780 I'm sorry, what? 296 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,249 Oh, Blongo, I don't know what to do. 297 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,118 I'm secretly in love with Nilm, 298 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,719 but she's engaged to Bok, 299 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,321 - who's always extremely... - (scoffs) 300 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,223 This kind of hacky, lowest-common-denominator 301 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:37,858 schlock won't work on me. 302 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:41,294 - ...her flirtations with Kret. - But I better watch 303 00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:43,630 so officers who aren't as resilient as I am 304 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:44,998 will know what to avoid. 305 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,466 But you should go for it. 306 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,936 Even though I'm secretly in love with you. 307 00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,004 ♪ 308 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,941 Whew! I'm so grateful everything is shaped like a heart, 309 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:56,709 or else I'd forget that I'm here for romantic reasons. 310 00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,111 Yeah, it's like, who decided that hearts 311 00:12:58,145 --> 00:12:59,479 are the universal symbol for love? 312 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,281 If anything, it should be kissy lips 313 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,051 or gorgeous green eyes. Or something. 314 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,418 - What? - (door whooshes open) 315 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,588 Knock-knock! It's me, Parth, your hug-cierge. 316 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,523 It's time for your couple's photo session. 317 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,125 - BOTH: Our what? - Put on these outfits. 318 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,393 - (chuckles nervously) - Uh, okay. 319 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,863 RUTHERFORD: Uh, I'm almost ready. 320 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,697 TENDI: (grunts) Me, too. 321 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:19,933 - Mm... - Uh... Aah! 322 00:13:19,967 --> 00:13:21,334 (both grumble quietly) 323 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:24,771 (gasps) Wow. You look so handsome. 324 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,973 Thanks. 325 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,208 And you look, uh... captivating? 326 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,677 Sorry, I'm trying to make my mind come up 327 00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:31,879 with a less intense word, 328 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,882 but hoo-boy, is it extremely warm in here? 329 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,249 You bet it is, soldier. 330 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,086 Now, let's commemorate your love! 331 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,388 Ooh, shameless. 332 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,890 Really press yourselves together. 333 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,691 Publicly display that affection. 334 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,159 I think that's enough. 335 00:13:46,193 --> 00:13:48,761 No problem. We'll move on to the lingerie. 336 00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:49,897 - Aah! - Aah! 337 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,464 Sorry, can't! Late for dinner. 338 00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:57,804 ♪ 339 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,607 ALL: Dabo! 340 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,509 (laughs) Damn, Quimp, I got to admit... 341 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,810 At first I was skeptical, 342 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,613 but Ferengi public libraries go hard. 343 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:10,450 I told you, nobody's read a book in here in a thousand years. 344 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,785 (slurping) Wow. 345 00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,788 You can still drink an alarming amount of glowing alien liquors, 346 00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:18,658 - but I must call it. - No, you can't take off now. 347 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,227 We haven't even gotten to the part of the night 348 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,229 - where we regret stuff. - Yeah, that 349 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,631 - sounds fun. Oh! - (grunts) Oh, my goodness. 350 00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:27,534 - A thousand apologies, good sir. - Oh, not a worry at all. 351 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,502 Did you just spill a drink on my friend? 352 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,104 I've been a proper fool. And, of course, 353 00:14:31,138 --> 00:14:32,405 - I'll reimburse... - You better 354 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:33,706 get ready to reimburse me for 355 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,542 a new 'burse shirt, too, butt-ass, 356 00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:37,810 'cause this one's about to be soaked in your blood. 357 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,914 Madam, please. I'm just trying to enjoy an evening out 358 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,749 with the rest of my biker gang. 359 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:45,752 Sounds like this guy's all bark and no fight! 360 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,221 (grunting) 361 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,991 (laughs, groans) 362 00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,960 (shouts) 363 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,195 Oh, Mariner. Ow! 364 00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,668 -(Rom humming tune) -VASSERY: (sighs) So we'll adjust 365 00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,604 the table on page 17 concerning exchange rates. 366 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,073 That would be satisfactory. 367 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:07,707 I believe we're almost wrapped up. 368 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,210 Ooh, I have an idea. Let's finish at my palace. 369 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,878 Much better photo op for the signing, 370 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:14,281 plus all my favorite baseballs are there. 371 00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,249 Oh, yeah, yeah, if that's what it takes, fine. 372 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,584 (clears throat) 373 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,119 He's making you feel like you're close, 374 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,488 then delaying to make you frustrated enough 375 00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,191 - to sign anything. - I can't tell the council 376 00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,326 we failed at the simplest of tasks. 377 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,261 All Rom cares about is baseball, 378 00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,998 and all Leeta cares about is fine print. 379 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,533 I... I can do this. 380 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,469 ♪ 381 00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,475 The Starfleet Experience Bar & Grill? 382 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,910 Huh. Maybe this will feel like we're at work. 383 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,379 Ooh, look! The waiter's wearing one of those 384 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,048 old velour uniforms that used to catch fire all the time. 385 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:49,082 (both gasp) 386 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:52,352 Oh, good eye, muffin... top. 387 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,786 (both sigh) 388 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,455 Do you think maybe we could... I don't know... 389 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:56,923 Just go back to acting like friends for a bit? 390 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,459 Yes. Oh, man, I'm so glad you said something. 391 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,727 Yeah. Who knew pretending to be 392 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,762 in a relationship with each other would be 393 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,897 - more nerve-racking than sealing a radiation leak? - Yeah. 394 00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:07,600 Let's just keep it strictly friend stuff from now on. 395 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,568 Agreed. 396 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,836 - Hello, lovers. - BOTH: Aah! 397 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,004 I'm so sorry. 398 00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:12,805 The waiter gave you the standard menus. 399 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,307 - (glass shatters) - MALE: Hey! - He didn't know you were 400 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:16,076 here for our deluxe romance package. 401 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:19,046 Parth, buddy, you're a top-notch hug-cierge, 402 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,880 - but we have to come clean. - (alarm blares) 403 00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:23,183 Just a second. Hold that thought. 404 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,185 - Well, well, well. - (alarm stops) 405 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,519 It looks like we've caught 406 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,321 two people lying about being a couple 407 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,158 to defraud our company out of a discount. 408 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:35,195 This is, of course, one of Ferenginar's worst felonies. 409 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,996 So these two are hereby sentenced 410 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:40,967 to a lifetime working in the subaquatic sulfur mines! 411 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,669 (sighs) Sorry about that. 412 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,737 Enforcing the law is my least favorite part of the job, 413 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:47,107 but one that I take with deadly seriousness. 414 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:48,775 Anyhoo, what were you admitting 415 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,410 before I sentenced those two liars 416 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,479 to a life of misery? 417 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,548 That we are more in love than ever before! 418 00:16:55,582 --> 00:16:58,785 - That's right, smumpy. - Oh, good. 419 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,888 Now for the most romantic meal possible. 420 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:03,656 RUTHERFORD: Sexy chocolate statues 421 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,392 of each other for dinner? 422 00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,026 - Great. - It's customary 423 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,061 that after every bite you tell the whole restaurant 424 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:11,198 something you find attractive about each other. 425 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,367 The chairs can detect if you're lying, so be sincere. 426 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,002 (cheering, whooping) 427 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,609 MARINER: Oh, thanks for bailing me out of jail. 428 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,645 Do you understand how many people I just had to bribe 429 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,646 to keep your little drunken fistfight 430 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,816 from ruining Starfleet's diplomatic mission? 431 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,284 (retches) 432 00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,120 Hey, you know me, man. 433 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,921 I'm a wild rogue, living on the edge of chaos. 434 00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:35,855 I sit weird in chairs. 435 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,257 You can't predict me. (Grunts) 436 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,825 Usually your chaos means something. 437 00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,661 But it's weird this time. You seem angry about nothing. 438 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,763 Yeah, right. Oh, look, if anyone's weird, it's you, 439 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,632 Mr. "I Should Probably Be Getting to Bed." 440 00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,100 You've changed, dude. 441 00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:49,702 Yeah, I have. That's what happens when you're not 442 00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,472 stuck in a perpetual state of immature rebellion. 443 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:53,840 Wow. Immature? 444 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,442 You have all the support you ever wanted, 445 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,344 nobody to scream at or rail against, 446 00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,712 and look at you... Still picking fights 447 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,381 to make sure you get hurt. 448 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,983 What? No. That-That's not what that was. 449 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,787 I just want you to be careful. 450 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,822 So you can live long enough to pay me back. 451 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,458 If I lose any more, they'll have to 452 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:12,892 put my account on this monument. 453 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,262 - (Ferengi crying) - MARINER: Uh, isn't this 454 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,963 a memorial to the dead? 455 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,332 So much lost income! 456 00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:23,035 Is there no justice in this galaxy? 457 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:25,905 Man, I got to give it to you, Ferengi keep it on-brand. 458 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,876 Sorry I cost you money and got you punched. 459 00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:33,146 Mariner, I love you, but you need to figure out 460 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,682 whatever's eating you up inside. 461 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,056 - (patrons applauding) - Uh... 462 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:47,960 Uh, Tendi's got... 463 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,329 fun hair? 464 00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:51,431 (cheering) 465 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,234 Uh, uh, I like your hair, too. 466 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,968 PARTH: Congratulations. 467 00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,304 You have completed 468 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,507 the Ferengi all-inclusive newlywed discount package. 469 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,475 You may now consummate your marriage. 470 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,710 - What?! - What?! 471 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,612 (chuckles) Not where we can see you. 472 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,947 - (both sigh) - You do it in the blind box, 473 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,516 - where we can hear it. - (patrons exclaim) 474 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,851 (groaning) 475 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,653 Please alert the chef that I will be reviewing 476 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,088 this restaurant for my planet's official foodie archives. 477 00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,624 My species invented space travel 478 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,260 in order to seek out strange new meals. 479 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:21,628 D'Vana, Samanthan! 480 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,730 What a coincidence. These are, famously, 481 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,533 the two closest platonic friends on my ship. 482 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,568 - Huh? Platonic? - Hello! 483 00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,437 - Security! - Uh... - Um... 484 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:34,241 - How dare you call us only friends?! - (patrons gasp) 485 00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:37,710 You've been trying to break up our love from the start! 486 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,847 Uh, yeah. You know we both love you. 487 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,382 You do? 488 00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,983 Just because the Ferengi newlywed discount 489 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:46,319 can only be used by two out of the three of us, 490 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,054 you have the nerve to come down here 491 00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:50,257 - and try to ruin our marriage? - MIGLEEMO: Wha... 492 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,024 You guys love me? 493 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,226 Of course we do. 494 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,794 You're undeniably attractive to both of us. 495 00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,029 But now that I see you here, I want a divorce 496 00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,765 - so we can be together. - But we can't... 497 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,601 Thanks so much, Migleemo. You ruined our marriage! 498 00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,236 We'll never forgive you. 499 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,037 I didn't realize. I'm sorry. 500 00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:07,574 Please don't break up because of me. 501 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,076 Security, stand down. 502 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:11,878 RUTHERFORD: Now that we're divorced, 503 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,179 we're going back to our ship 504 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,515 - and never talking again. - That's right. 505 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,451 Huh, I had no idea they were married 506 00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:20,186 or that they both loved me. 507 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,555 - Can I interest you in our homewrecker package? - (laughs) 508 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,658 You don't have to throw up in my mouth twice. Let's do it. 509 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:28,094 LEETA: In addition to the contractual changes, we are now 510 00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:30,563 allowed use of any ship in Starfleet at our discretion, 511 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,500 whether we end up joining the Federation or not. 512 00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:35,435 And ten points on the back end of every holo-novel program 513 00:20:35,468 --> 00:20:36,836 in perpetuity. 514 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,606 (sighs) I don't think they have back end, 515 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,240 but yes, yes. 516 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,842 - (whispers) - Uh-huh. 517 00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,345 Also, the Nagus would like you to dance for him. 518 00:20:45,378 --> 00:20:47,614 (sighs) 519 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,716 (clears throat) I've made those changes 520 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,319 and added a billion bars of gold-pressed latinum 521 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:53,486 as a signing bonus. 522 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,887 Wh-What? Captain! 523 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,357 Keep dancing. Why so giving, Freeman? 524 00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:00,192 I just want to wrap this up and free the admiral 525 00:21:00,226 --> 00:21:02,662 before he signs away the entire fleet. (Chuckles) 526 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,965 - He's clearly under your thumb. - I am not! 527 00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:08,134 I don't buy it. There has to be a catch. 528 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,870 Of course. I've added one provision. 529 00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:12,939 Here comes the other shoe. 530 00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,942 Before you receive any of these signing bonuses, 531 00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:19,078 you must recruit one other planet yourself, 532 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,782 - since you're so good at it. - What are you thinking, Carol? 533 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,116 That's nothing. We do it all the time. 534 00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:27,887 Ha! Do you realize what just happened? 535 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,156 You know how many planets are in debt to us? 536 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,525 Bringing just one in will be nothing. 537 00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:34,461 We'll be in debt to them forever. 538 00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:36,796 It's all right, Admiral. They get nothing. 539 00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:38,230 - We're done here. - (Rom laughs) 540 00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:39,899 What? What do you mean? 541 00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:41,200 You owe us a fortune. 542 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:44,404 Yes, contingent on bringing in a planet. 543 00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:47,039 But I didn't say which planet. 544 00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:48,708 You might want to read the fine print. 545 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:50,309 (muttering) 546 00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:53,446 Qo'noS, the Klingon homeworld? That's impossible! 547 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,847 Oh, I know. 548 00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:57,016 You forgot the eighth rule of acquisition. 549 00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:59,986 "Small print leads to large risk." 550 00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,789 (gasps) You swindled like a true Ferengi. 551 00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,624 I swear I had nothing to do with this. 552 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,993 You're lucky she did. As much as we're 553 00:22:07,026 --> 00:22:08,728 in favor of joining the Federation, 554 00:22:08,761 --> 00:22:11,898 the Grand Nagus can't sign with a bunch of suckers and rubes. 555 00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:14,266 Captain Freeman, you showed me that there are those 556 00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,703 in the Federation who respect our culture. 557 00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,439 Let's start over. Bring me the standard papers. 558 00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:21,641 I'll sign. 559 00:22:26,112 --> 00:22:28,615 (sighs) Please accept my apologies. 560 00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:30,316 I shouldn't have doubted you. 561 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:32,752 I'll be relaying your acuity to Command. 562 00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:35,187 Thank you, Admiral. Happy to be of aid. 563 00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:38,591 Now, who wants to check out my batting cages? 564 00:22:38,625 --> 00:22:42,395 FREEMAN: With the application submitted, so begins the first step 565 00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:44,897 to the Ferengi joining the Federation. 566 00:22:44,931 --> 00:22:46,899 There are many more hurdles to leap, 567 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:50,069 but today felt like a good start. 568 00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:54,541 Well, Mariner, was guide duty as fun as rumored? 569 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,008 Uh, I had to take out a predatory loan 570 00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:57,243 from one of my closest friends, 571 00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:58,911 apparently I get in fights for no reason, 572 00:22:58,945 --> 00:23:01,914 and I can feel my hangover in my entire spine. 573 00:23:01,948 --> 00:23:03,550 Why are you getting into fights? 574 00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:05,585 Ugh. You wouldn't understand. 575 00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,720 Okay. How about you two? 576 00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:08,988 How was the couple's retreat? 577 00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,823 Oh, faking a relationship was way, 578 00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:12,358 way out of our comfort zone, sir. 579 00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:15,094 Yeah, we just don't have any natural chemistry. 580 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:17,964 - Want to help me reroute that phase conduit? - Sure. 581 00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:19,466 Ha! 582 00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:21,868 We got to squeeze in there. 583 00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,836 - Hand me the spanner. - On it. 584 00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:25,972 (sighs) Now, this makes sense. 585 00:23:26,005 --> 00:23:28,841 Wait, where's Mr. Boimler? 586 00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,342 (PADD rings) 587 00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:32,512 Mr. Boimler, did you do too many locations? 588 00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:34,146 - Are you in need of aid? - Uh, no. 589 00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:37,717 I watched eight hours straight of Ferengi programming. 590 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,819 I'm sorry I let you down, sir. 591 00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:42,054 - Honestly, I'm proud of you. - Really? 592 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,256 You've always had a problem going with the flow, 593 00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:46,859 but today it looks like you got out of your own way. 594 00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:48,260 Thank you, sir. 595 00:23:48,294 --> 00:23:49,529 I've authorized the local authorities 596 00:23:49,562 --> 00:23:50,897 to drag you out of there. 597 00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:52,164 Just go limp, don't fight them. 598 00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:53,700 - (Boimler screaming) - Get out of here! 599 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:56,536 - (laughs) - (screaming continues) 600 00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:57,970 I really like that lieutenant. 601 00:23:58,004 --> 00:23:59,606 - (whip cracking) - BOIMLER: Oh! Aah! 602 00:23:59,639 --> 00:24:03,710 Oh! Oh, no. Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! (Grunts) 603 00:24:08,214 --> 00:24:11,651 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 604 00:24:58,264 --> 00:25:00,066 (man imitates weapons firing) 605 00:25:01,901 --> 00:25:04,771 Chirp.