1 00:00:21,443 --> 00:00:24,179 * 2 00:00:26,014 --> 00:00:29,351 JEEF: Cardassian disruptor, Klingon disruptor, 3 00:00:29,384 --> 00:00:31,353 Romulan disruptor. why are we throwing out 4 00:00:31,386 --> 00:00:32,686 so many disruptors? 5 00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,123 Orders from the Grand Nagus. 6 00:00:34,156 --> 00:00:36,391 No more arms sales. We're going straight. 7 00:00:36,425 --> 00:00:38,527 But these are worth a fortune. 8 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,628 Rom doesn't care. 9 00:00:39,661 --> 00:00:41,463 He says equality and hospitality 10 00:00:41,496 --> 00:00:43,198 are more profitable in the long run. 11 00:00:43,232 --> 00:00:44,933 I want to be rich now. 12 00:00:44,966 --> 00:00:46,635 What even is this thing? 13 00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:48,637 Careful! That's a Genesis Device! 14 00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:50,472 No, it isn't. It's too small. 15 00:00:50,505 --> 00:00:52,541 It's an updated portable version. 16 00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,643 These are used to terraform planets. 17 00:00:54,676 --> 00:00:56,511 You could have rearranged our molecules. 18 00:00:56,545 --> 00:00:58,580 We should rearrange the captain's molecules 19 00:00:58,613 --> 00:01:00,615 for leaving so much latinum on the table. 20 00:01:00,649 --> 00:01:03,084 We could buy a ship with this. Maybe even a fleet. 21 00:01:03,118 --> 00:01:06,288 Gem doesn't care. He thinks Rom is the next Lonz. 22 00:01:06,321 --> 00:01:08,623 -(alarm blares) -We're under attack! 23 00:01:08,657 --> 00:01:11,860 (chuckles) Right on time. 24 00:01:17,632 --> 00:01:20,535 Move us away from that ship. Full impulse. 25 00:01:20,569 --> 00:01:22,571 But, Captain, they could be looking to trade. 26 00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:25,607 It's always good business to know about new customers 27 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:26,841 before they walk in your door. 28 00:01:26,875 --> 00:01:29,178 Ah, ah. Rule of acquisition 62: 29 00:01:29,211 --> 00:01:32,046 "The riskier the road, the greater the profit." 30 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,515 Come on, get on with it. 31 00:01:33,548 --> 00:01:35,784 Jeef, you're up to something. I can smell it. 32 00:01:35,816 --> 00:01:37,518 I don't know what you're talking about. 33 00:01:37,552 --> 00:01:39,654 You're only here as a favor to my cousin. 34 00:01:39,688 --> 00:01:42,023 I never trusted you. Throw him out the airlock! 35 00:01:42,056 --> 00:01:43,625 They told me we would make a profit. 36 00:01:43,658 --> 00:01:45,560 GEM: I knew it! 37 00:01:45,594 --> 00:01:46,928 They're firing at us! 38 00:01:48,029 --> 00:01:50,064 (screaming) 39 00:01:53,568 --> 00:01:55,804 * 40 00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:15,123 * 41 00:02:49,424 --> 00:02:51,660 * 42 00:03:02,671 --> 00:03:05,940 FREEMAN: Captain's log, stardate 58901.. 43 00:03:05,974 --> 00:03:09,077 The Cerritos has traveled to Ferenginar. 44 00:03:09,110 --> 00:03:11,846 The Ferengi leadership is submitting a formal application 45 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,483 to begin the process of joining the Federation-- 46 00:03:14,516 --> 00:03:17,319 an alliance that could benefit the entire quadrant. 47 00:03:17,352 --> 00:03:20,021 This may just be a first step, 48 00:03:20,054 --> 00:03:22,957 but it's still a historic occasion. 49 00:03:22,991 --> 00:03:24,859 I hope you've been practicing your notarizing. 50 00:03:24,893 --> 00:03:27,296 You are about to witness the quickest signing 51 00:03:27,329 --> 00:03:28,497 in Starfleet history. 52 00:03:28,530 --> 00:03:30,131 These are the Ferengi, Admiral. 53 00:03:30,164 --> 00:03:31,833 I think we should be prepared for... 54 00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:33,835 A cakewalk? (scoffs) We're not dealing with 55 00:03:33,868 --> 00:03:36,170 the old Ferenginar anymore. Rom and Leeta 56 00:03:36,204 --> 00:03:38,206 have brought so much progressive change, 57 00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,542 it makes Moab IV inside the dome 58 00:03:40,575 --> 00:03:43,345 look like Moab IV outside the dome. 59 00:03:43,378 --> 00:03:45,280 (laughs) 60 00:03:45,314 --> 00:03:47,849 Well, you-you'd get it if you'd ever been to Moab IV. 61 00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:50,385 Respectfully, sir, the tenth rule of acquisition... 62 00:03:50,419 --> 00:03:52,587 Whoever's been attacking ships across the quadrant 63 00:03:52,621 --> 00:03:54,423 has disrupted their trade routes. 64 00:03:54,456 --> 00:03:56,558 Rom is desperate for Federation resources. 65 00:03:56,591 --> 00:03:58,893 This is just an application. We'll be in and out in no time. 66 00:03:58,927 --> 00:04:00,228 -(door whooshes open) -(assistant clears throat) 67 00:04:00,261 --> 00:04:01,930 Announcing Grand Nagus Rom 68 00:04:01,963 --> 00:04:03,665 and First Clerk Leeta. 69 00:04:03,698 --> 00:04:06,034 Welcome, Grand Nagus. 70 00:04:06,067 --> 00:04:09,237 I am honored to have you aboard the Toronto. 71 00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:10,772 The pleasure is ours, Admiral. 72 00:04:10,805 --> 00:04:14,075 We offer you this ceremonial bust of good fortune. 73 00:04:14,108 --> 00:04:15,143 Oh, thank you. 74 00:04:15,176 --> 00:04:17,512 The likeness is quite flattering. 75 00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:19,548 We also offer you the ceremonial invoice 76 00:04:19,581 --> 00:04:21,115 for the bust of good fortune. 77 00:04:21,149 --> 00:04:22,617 How much is... Oh, my. 78 00:04:22,651 --> 00:04:24,018 In the spirit of unity, 79 00:04:24,052 --> 00:04:26,588 we gave you the "friends and family" discount. 80 00:04:26,621 --> 00:04:29,624 -Um, did you bring any latinum? -(sighs) 81 00:04:30,725 --> 00:04:32,026 RUTHERFORD: See here on the stabilizers? 82 00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:33,528 I was thinking if we repositioned the... 83 00:04:33,562 --> 00:04:34,763 -Matrix? -We could... 84 00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,130 -Beef up the dampeners? -And... 85 00:04:36,164 --> 00:04:38,299 -Get a .005% smoother ride. -I was gonna say 86 00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:40,835 win engineering's "most beefed-up dampener" competition, 87 00:04:40,869 --> 00:04:42,070 but, yeah, that, too. 88 00:04:42,103 --> 00:04:44,373 -(both laughing) -Mariner, geez. 89 00:04:44,406 --> 00:04:46,307 You've been weathering that stem bolt for so long, 90 00:04:46,341 --> 00:04:48,743 it probably can't even self-seal anymore. What's up? 91 00:04:48,777 --> 00:04:50,745 Nothing. I'm doing great. Uh, Ransom 92 00:04:50,779 --> 00:04:52,547 is supportive of everything I want to do. 93 00:04:52,581 --> 00:04:53,948 For the first time in years, 94 00:04:53,982 --> 00:04:56,084 I have total autonomy and zero complaints. 95 00:04:56,117 --> 00:04:58,687 So, why are you sitting here looking pissed off? 96 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,221 Stop staring at me. Shut up. 97 00:05:00,254 --> 00:05:01,656 Lieutenant junior grades. 98 00:05:01,690 --> 00:05:03,124 Lieutenant juniors grade? 99 00:05:03,157 --> 00:05:04,826 Lieutenants junior grade? Whatever. 100 00:05:04,859 --> 00:05:07,328 You four just pulled the most coveted job at Starfleet. 101 00:05:07,362 --> 00:05:09,898 BOTH: Balancing the positron compression chamber?! 102 00:05:09,931 --> 00:05:11,966 No. Travel guide duty! 103 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,334 I thought that was a myth. 104 00:05:13,368 --> 00:05:14,936 What's travel guide duty? 105 00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:17,406 Starfleet has travel guides for all habitable planets. 106 00:05:17,439 --> 00:05:21,142 The file for Ferenginar hasn't been updated in years, so... 107 00:05:21,175 --> 00:05:23,778 Starfleet's gonna foot the bill for us to go to as many bars, 108 00:05:23,812 --> 00:05:25,780 restaurants, bars, hotels, pubs, bars, 109 00:05:25,814 --> 00:05:27,849 saloons, cantinas and bars as we want. 110 00:05:27,882 --> 00:05:29,818 Also museums, historical sites, 111 00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:31,853 but, basically, yeah, it's mostly bars. 112 00:05:31,886 --> 00:05:33,922 Oh. How many places do people usually review? 113 00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:35,424 I don't know. Four or five? 114 00:05:35,457 --> 00:05:36,691 Great. I'm gonna do 40. 115 00:05:36,725 --> 00:05:38,026 I'll pack my schedule so full 116 00:05:38,059 --> 00:05:40,061 that I do everything and enjoy nothing. 117 00:05:40,094 --> 00:05:41,630 It's not a contest, Lieutenant. 118 00:05:41,663 --> 00:05:42,930 -You can take your... -Sir, 119 00:05:42,964 --> 00:05:44,232 I'm only a lieutenant junior grade. 120 00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:45,767 I have everything to prove. (gasps) 121 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,436 I need to make an itinerary! 122 00:05:47,469 --> 00:05:49,037 (whimpering) 123 00:05:49,070 --> 00:05:50,371 Does he drink a lot of coffee? 124 00:05:50,405 --> 00:05:51,506 -Oh, yeah. -Mm-hmm, tons. 125 00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:52,874 We also need someone to act 126 00:05:52,907 --> 00:05:54,476 as a couple. And since the Cerritos is 127 00:05:54,509 --> 00:05:56,878 statistically the horniest and least romantically committed 128 00:05:56,911 --> 00:05:59,614 crew in Starfleet, we have no married officers aboard. 129 00:05:59,648 --> 00:06:02,350 You want us to pretend to be married and review stuff? 130 00:06:02,383 --> 00:06:04,252 -Oh, that sounds hilarious. -(giggles) 131 00:06:04,285 --> 00:06:06,320 Yeah, we're already such a good team, we finish each other's... 132 00:06:06,354 --> 00:06:08,490 -Diophantine equations. -(laughing) 133 00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:11,460 Maybe I should have Honus and Nurse Westlake 134 00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:12,794 take a crack at it. 135 00:06:12,827 --> 00:06:14,763 Commander, we are an expert science team. 136 00:06:14,796 --> 00:06:17,031 I'm pretty sure we can handle a fake romance. 137 00:06:17,065 --> 00:06:19,501 -Let's go get packed, honey. -(snorts) 138 00:06:19,534 --> 00:06:21,903 (laughing) 139 00:06:21,936 --> 00:06:23,171 You pulled some strings to get us assigned 140 00:06:23,204 --> 00:06:24,606 to travel guide duty, didn't you? 141 00:06:24,639 --> 00:06:25,940 I might have had something to do with it. 142 00:06:25,974 --> 00:06:27,876 Ugh, why is it so weird when you're nice? 143 00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:29,711 Because I'm also so handsome. 144 00:06:29,744 --> 00:06:31,379 Total package. 145 00:06:31,412 --> 00:06:32,814 (grumbles) 146 00:06:37,318 --> 00:06:38,152 Wow. 147 00:06:38,186 --> 00:06:40,321 -(giggles) -(exclaims) 148 00:06:50,999 --> 00:06:53,702 Wow. Oh, it's like what heaven would look like 149 00:06:53,735 --> 00:06:55,403 if God was stupid. 150 00:06:55,436 --> 00:06:57,238 Oh, I'm just so excited to haggle at 151 00:06:57,271 --> 00:06:58,807 the Museum of Gambling. (gasps) 152 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,408 Oh, and gamble at the Museum of Haggling! 153 00:07:00,441 --> 00:07:03,077 Let's go find the honeymoon suite, pudding bear. 154 00:07:03,111 --> 00:07:04,713 Right this way, muffin skunk. 155 00:07:04,746 --> 00:07:05,814 -(laughing) -Excellent cutesy speak. 156 00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:07,649 Yeah, just nice and natural 157 00:07:07,682 --> 00:07:08,783 and definitely the way people talk. 158 00:07:08,817 --> 00:07:10,184 Now, if you'll excuse me, 159 00:07:10,218 --> 00:07:11,653 I promised a friend I'd meet up with him. 160 00:07:11,686 --> 00:07:13,187 And I have to squeeze 161 00:07:13,221 --> 00:07:15,089 an unforgiving amount of experiences into my day. 162 00:07:15,123 --> 00:07:17,492 -We sound natural, right? -Totally. 163 00:07:17,526 --> 00:07:19,761 We got married at a wedding. 164 00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:23,164 This way, my sweet wife. 165 00:07:23,197 --> 00:07:25,233 I'm so excited to wake you up from a deep sleep 166 00:07:25,266 --> 00:07:27,068 whenever it sounds like you're having a nightmare. 167 00:07:27,101 --> 00:07:29,003 And I'm excited to know how you like your hamburgers 168 00:07:29,037 --> 00:07:30,805 so I can order them for you and ask the waiter 169 00:07:30,839 --> 00:07:32,305 to take it back when they've made it wrong. 170 00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:34,342 I'm not gonna feel weird about using your toothbrush 171 00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:36,177 because our gums are in a partnership. 172 00:07:36,210 --> 00:07:38,179 Yeah, and I'm gonna wear your gym shorts around 173 00:07:38,212 --> 00:07:40,281 our shared quarters with nothing up top 174 00:07:40,314 --> 00:07:43,084 because who cares about nudity with our situation? 175 00:07:43,117 --> 00:07:46,655 -(chuckles) You-you are? -Sure. I, uh... 176 00:07:46,688 --> 00:07:48,823 I love being married to my husband. 177 00:07:48,857 --> 00:07:50,859 I love you, too. 178 00:07:52,226 --> 00:07:54,495 You know what, maybe we should just go back to the ship. 179 00:07:54,529 --> 00:07:57,131 Yeah, pretending to be married is kind of weird. 180 00:07:57,165 --> 00:07:58,499 -Let's... -FERENGI: Ah! 181 00:07:58,533 --> 00:08:01,603 Our Starfleet VIPs. Attention, everyone. 182 00:08:01,636 --> 00:08:04,639 These young lovers are getting a great deal. 183 00:08:04,673 --> 00:08:06,007 (guests gasping) 184 00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:09,077 (guests cheering) 185 00:08:20,388 --> 00:08:21,590 All right. (grunts) 186 00:08:21,623 --> 00:08:25,093 Dropping bags off in hotel room is off the list. 187 00:08:25,126 --> 00:08:27,095 We got the for-profit minibar, the for-profit toilet, 188 00:08:27,128 --> 00:08:28,863 the machine that charges you to pay for the toilet 189 00:08:28,897 --> 00:08:29,931 and the minibar. 190 00:08:29,964 --> 00:08:31,833 View screen works. 191 00:08:31,866 --> 00:08:33,367 That's everything. 192 00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:35,969 I give this hotel a nine out of ten. 193 00:08:36,003 --> 00:08:38,339 Now, off to the Museum of Bribery. 194 00:08:38,372 --> 00:08:40,141 (music playing) 195 00:08:40,174 --> 00:08:41,709 Oh, weird. A what-you-call-it-- 196 00:08:41,743 --> 00:08:43,578 a "commer-seal"? 197 00:08:43,612 --> 00:08:45,079 Ooh. 198 00:08:48,850 --> 00:08:50,885 -Aah! -You're fired. 199 00:08:50,919 --> 00:08:53,788 ANNOUNCER: Slug-O Cola. This happens to everyone who drinks it. 200 00:08:53,822 --> 00:08:55,824 (laughs) They just lie to you? 201 00:08:55,857 --> 00:08:57,826 Hilarious. Well, time to head out. 202 00:08:57,859 --> 00:09:01,329 ANNOUNCER: And now, Pog & Dar: Cop Landlords. 203 00:09:01,362 --> 00:09:03,197 -(funky music playing) -Huh? Mm. 204 00:09:03,231 --> 00:09:05,734 This is like a holo-novel, but way sleazier. 205 00:09:05,767 --> 00:09:07,168 (both shouting) 206 00:09:08,369 --> 00:09:10,038 POG: You're making my partner mad. 207 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,206 -Just sign the lease, dirtbag. -MALE: No. 208 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,976 (indistinct conversations) 209 00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:19,013 Hey, Quimp. 210 00:09:19,047 --> 00:09:22,183 Well, if it isn't my favorite pathetic human. 211 00:09:22,216 --> 00:09:24,819 -Is that a new pip I see? -Uh, yep. 212 00:09:24,853 --> 00:09:27,689 -I'm an LJG again, for now. -(laughs) 213 00:09:27,722 --> 00:09:29,523 Congratulations. I never thought 214 00:09:29,557 --> 00:09:31,492 you'd dig your way out of crashing that Oberth. 215 00:09:31,525 --> 00:09:34,228 Ditto. Still, being a lieutenant kind of sucks. 216 00:09:34,262 --> 00:09:37,031 My stupid mentor won't stop trying to make feel like 217 00:09:37,065 --> 00:09:39,033 a valued part of the team. 218 00:09:39,067 --> 00:09:41,169 Oh, sounds like a real nightmare. 219 00:09:41,202 --> 00:09:42,570 You would hate it, too. But whatever. 220 00:09:42,603 --> 00:09:44,305 You know, I'm excited to leave all that behind 221 00:09:44,338 --> 00:09:46,107 -so we can hang. -Read my mind. 222 00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:48,442 Hey, maybe some brunch? Casual meal with some yogurt. 223 00:09:48,476 --> 00:09:50,811 Two shots of Cardassian tequila and a dagger of the mind 224 00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:52,213 -on the rocks. -Wow. 225 00:09:52,246 --> 00:09:54,048 That's pretty hard for 10:00 a.m. 226 00:09:54,082 --> 00:09:56,384 It's 10:00 a.m.? Ooh, make it three shots. 227 00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:59,553 Ha! I'll have the same. It'll be fun to let loose. 228 00:09:59,587 --> 00:10:00,889 Uh, yeah. I need it. 229 00:10:00,922 --> 00:10:02,423 Where'd you even get that one? 230 00:10:02,456 --> 00:10:05,026 -He didn't bring the drinks yet. -Do we care? 231 00:10:05,059 --> 00:10:06,695 -(glass shatters) -MALE: Hey! 232 00:10:07,528 --> 00:10:09,698 VASSERY: Now, Mr. Grand Nagus... 233 00:10:09,731 --> 00:10:11,933 -Just Nagus. -Sorry. Nagus. 234 00:10:11,966 --> 00:10:14,568 Grand Nagus. 235 00:10:15,636 --> 00:10:18,172 Now that we have paid our ceremonial invoice, 236 00:10:18,206 --> 00:10:19,741 perhaps we should focus on the application? 237 00:10:19,774 --> 00:10:21,275 Uh, it's a boilerplate... 238 00:10:21,309 --> 00:10:24,212 Ooh! Do you still play baseball? We should put in there 239 00:10:24,245 --> 00:10:26,014 that Ferenginar gets to play baseball. 240 00:10:26,047 --> 00:10:27,648 I like baseball. It's fun. 241 00:10:27,682 --> 00:10:30,785 I think we can slip that in. (chuckles) 242 00:10:30,819 --> 00:10:34,555 If that's the type of adjustment you need to get this done. 243 00:10:34,588 --> 00:10:37,191 I'm just a former bartender, but I was looking at the numbers 244 00:10:37,225 --> 00:10:39,794 and was wondering if they could be different. 245 00:10:39,828 --> 00:10:42,663 Different numbers? I'm not sure what you mean. 246 00:10:42,697 --> 00:10:44,032 -Just a moment, my love. -(gasps) 247 00:10:44,065 --> 00:10:46,400 Oh. Baseball. 248 00:10:46,434 --> 00:10:50,138 Listen, my husband isn't exactly a shrewd businessman. 249 00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:51,806 He just likes to feel involved. 250 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,875 Ah, I think I see what you mean. 251 00:10:53,908 --> 00:10:56,210 Play ball! 252 00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:57,445 (laughs) 253 00:10:57,478 --> 00:10:59,347 -Admiral, a word, please? -Stand down, Captain. 254 00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:01,449 You were saying, First Clerk? 255 00:11:01,482 --> 00:11:03,117 If we can open up the document 256 00:11:03,151 --> 00:11:05,253 and let him shuffle around a couple of numbers, 257 00:11:05,286 --> 00:11:06,855 he'll feel like he accomplished something. 258 00:11:06,888 --> 00:11:09,690 -I don't see any problem with that. -(clears throat) 259 00:11:09,724 --> 00:11:12,727 This is a classic dumb cop/ reasonable cop routine. 260 00:11:12,761 --> 00:11:15,463 The terms of the membership application are locked, 261 00:11:15,496 --> 00:11:17,899 -but if we open them up... -Thank you for the input, Captain, 262 00:11:17,932 --> 00:11:19,300 but we'll be fine. 263 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,501 -He's practically a child. -ROM: One, two, 264 00:11:20,534 --> 00:11:21,970 -three strikes. -(glass shatters) 265 00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:23,237 -You're out. -VASSERY: Grand Nagus, 266 00:11:23,271 --> 00:11:24,638 I've just reopened the contract. 267 00:11:24,672 --> 00:11:26,340 Why don't you show me some of the numbers 268 00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:28,476 that seem wrong, and we'll fix them together? 269 00:11:29,543 --> 00:11:31,379 We'll start on page 11, subsection B, 270 00:11:31,412 --> 00:11:33,581 incentivization vis-à-vis the great Ferengi people 271 00:11:33,614 --> 00:11:36,384 and our reluctant acceptance of your Federation. 272 00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:38,352 -She means bribes. -Then we'll move 273 00:11:38,386 --> 00:11:40,955 to the tariffs on Ferengi exports to outlying territories. 274 00:11:40,989 --> 00:11:43,257 DAR: Freeze! You're under arrest for having a pet 275 00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:45,459 over 25 pounds in one of my units. 276 00:11:45,493 --> 00:11:48,196 He was 20 pounds when I got hi. I swear... (shouts) 277 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,264 -Aah! -Aah! 278 00:11:50,298 --> 00:11:51,532 DAR: You just surrendered your deposit 279 00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:54,302 -and your life. -(Pog coughing) 280 00:11:54,335 --> 00:11:56,204 I'm not gonna make it, partner. 281 00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:57,839 Hey, you hang on one second, buddy. 282 00:11:57,872 --> 00:12:00,474 I just need to enjoy the crisp, refreshing taste 283 00:12:00,508 --> 00:12:02,443 -of a Slug-O Cola. -(laughs) 284 00:12:02,476 --> 00:12:05,079 Oh, they put commercials in the shows? 285 00:12:05,113 --> 00:12:07,281 It's like mind control. 286 00:12:07,315 --> 00:12:08,983 Transfer your latinum to me, 287 00:12:09,017 --> 00:12:11,019 or I'll tell everyone you supported tenants' rights. 288 00:12:11,052 --> 00:12:12,887 (coughs) I'm proud to be scammed 289 00:12:12,921 --> 00:12:16,557 by a landlord cop as conniving as you, partner. 290 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:18,459 (groans) 291 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,529 Okay, I guess I should finally do my... 292 00:12:21,562 --> 00:12:23,131 ANNOUNCER: Up next-- Will They, Won't They? 293 00:12:23,164 --> 00:12:24,498 The workplace sitcom where everyone 294 00:12:24,532 --> 00:12:25,633 is secretly in love with each other. 295 00:12:25,666 --> 00:12:26,801 I'm sorry, what? 296 00:12:26,835 --> 00:12:29,270 Oh, Blongo, I don't know what to do. 297 00:12:29,303 --> 00:12:31,139 I'm secretly in love with Nilm, 298 00:12:31,172 --> 00:12:32,740 but she's engaged to Bok, 299 00:12:32,773 --> 00:12:34,342 -who's always extremely... -(scoffs) 300 00:12:34,375 --> 00:12:36,244 This kind of hacky, lowest-common-denominator 301 00:12:36,277 --> 00:12:37,879 schlock won't work on me. 302 00:12:37,912 --> 00:12:41,315 -...her flirtations with Kret. -But I better watch 303 00:12:41,349 --> 00:12:43,651 so officers who aren't as resilient as I am 304 00:12:43,684 --> 00:12:45,019 will know what to avoid. 305 00:12:45,053 --> 00:12:46,487 But you should go for it. 306 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,957 Even though I'm secretly in love with you. 307 00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:51,025 * 308 00:12:51,826 --> 00:12:53,962 Whew! I'm so grateful everything is shaped like a heart, 309 00:12:53,995 --> 00:12:56,730 or else I'd forget that I'm here for romantic reasons. 310 00:12:56,764 --> 00:12:58,132 Yeah, it's like, who decided that hearts 311 00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,500 are the universal symbol for love? 312 00:12:59,533 --> 00:13:01,302 If anything, it should be kissy lips 313 00:13:01,335 --> 00:13:04,072 or gorgeous green eyes. Or something. 314 00:13:04,105 --> 00:13:05,439 -What? -(door whooshes open) 315 00:13:05,473 --> 00:13:08,609 Knock-knock! It's me, Parth, your hug-cierge. 316 00:13:08,642 --> 00:13:10,544 It's time for your couple's photo session. 317 00:13:10,578 --> 00:13:12,146 -BOTH: Our what? -Put on these outfits. 318 00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:13,414 -(chuckles nervously) -Uh, okay. 319 00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:15,884 RUTHERFORD: Uh, I'm almost ready. 320 00:13:15,917 --> 00:13:17,718 TENDI: (grunts) Me, too. 321 00:13:17,751 --> 00:13:19,954 -Mm... -Uh... Aah! 322 00:13:19,988 --> 00:13:21,355 (both grumble quietly) 323 00:13:21,389 --> 00:13:24,792 (gasps) Wow. You look so handsome. 324 00:13:24,825 --> 00:13:25,994 Thanks. 325 00:13:26,027 --> 00:13:28,229 And you look, uh... captivating? 326 00:13:28,262 --> 00:13:30,698 Sorry, I'm trying to make my mind come up 327 00:13:30,731 --> 00:13:31,900 with a less intense word, 328 00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:34,903 but hoo-boy, is it extremely warm in here? 329 00:13:34,936 --> 00:13:36,270 You bet it is, soldier. 330 00:13:36,304 --> 00:13:39,107 Now, let's commemorate your love! 331 00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:41,409 Ooh, shameless. 332 00:13:41,442 --> 00:13:42,911 Really press yourselves together. 333 00:13:42,944 --> 00:13:44,712 Publicly display that affection. 334 00:13:44,745 --> 00:13:46,180 I think that's enough. 335 00:13:46,214 --> 00:13:48,782 No problem. We'll move on to the lingerie. 336 00:13:48,816 --> 00:13:49,918 -Aah! -Aah! 337 00:13:49,951 --> 00:13:51,485 Sorry, can't! Late for dinner. 338 00:13:55,924 --> 00:13:57,825 * 339 00:13:59,327 --> 00:14:00,628 ALL: Dabo! 340 00:14:00,661 --> 00:14:02,530 (laughs) Damn, Quimp, I got to admit-- 341 00:14:02,563 --> 00:14:03,831 at first I was skeptical, 342 00:14:03,864 --> 00:14:06,634 but Ferengi public libraries go hard. 343 00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:10,471 I told you, nobody's read a book in here in a thousand years. 344 00:14:10,504 --> 00:14:12,806 (slurping) Wow. 345 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,809 You can still drink an alarming amount of glowing alien liquors, 346 00:14:15,843 --> 00:14:18,679 -but I must call it. -No, you can't take off now. 347 00:14:18,712 --> 00:14:20,248 We haven't even gotten to the part of the night 348 00:14:20,281 --> 00:14:22,250 -where we regret stuff. -Yeah, that 349 00:14:22,283 --> 00:14:24,652 -sounds fun. Oh! -(grunts) Oh, my goodness. 350 00:14:24,685 --> 00:14:27,555 -A thousand apologies, good sir. -Oh, not a worry at all. 351 00:14:27,588 --> 00:14:29,523 Did you just spill a drink on my friend? 352 00:14:29,557 --> 00:14:31,125 I've been a proper fool. And, of course, 353 00:14:31,159 --> 00:14:32,426 -I'll reimburse... -You better 354 00:14:32,460 --> 00:14:33,727 get ready to reimburse me for 355 00:14:33,761 --> 00:14:35,563 a new 'burse shirt, too, butt-ass, 356 00:14:35,596 --> 00:14:37,831 'cause this one's about to be soaked in your blood. 357 00:14:37,865 --> 00:14:40,935 Madam, please. I'm just trying to enjoy an evening out 358 00:14:40,969 --> 00:14:42,770 with the rest of my biker gang. 359 00:14:42,803 --> 00:14:45,773 Sounds like this guy's all bark and no fight! 360 00:14:45,806 --> 00:14:48,242 (grunting) 361 00:14:49,043 --> 00:14:51,012 (laughs, groans) 362 00:14:51,045 --> 00:14:52,981 (shouts) 363 00:14:53,014 --> 00:14:55,216 Oh, Mariner. Ow! 364 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,689 -(Rom humming tune) -VASSERY: (sighs) So we'll adjust 365 00:15:01,722 --> 00:15:04,625 the table on page 17 concerning exchange rates. 366 00:15:04,658 --> 00:15:06,094 That would be satisfactory. 367 00:15:06,127 --> 00:15:07,728 I believe we're almost wrapped up. 368 00:15:07,761 --> 00:15:10,231 Ooh, I have an idea. Let's finish at my palace. 369 00:15:10,264 --> 00:15:11,899 Much better photo op for the signing, 370 00:15:11,932 --> 00:15:14,302 plus all my favorite baseballs are there. 371 00:15:14,335 --> 00:15:16,270 Oh, yeah, yeah, if that's what it takes, fine. 372 00:15:16,304 --> 00:15:17,605 (clears throat) 373 00:15:17,638 --> 00:15:19,140 He's making you feel like you're close, 374 00:15:19,173 --> 00:15:21,509 then delaying to make you frustrated enough 375 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:24,212 -to sign anything. -I can't tell the council 376 00:15:24,245 --> 00:15:26,347 we failed at the simplest of tasks. 377 00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:28,282 All Rom cares about is baseball, 378 00:15:28,316 --> 00:15:31,019 and all Leeta cares about is fine print. 379 00:15:31,052 --> 00:15:33,554 I... I can do this. 380 00:15:34,322 --> 00:15:36,490 * 381 00:15:40,394 --> 00:15:42,496 The Starfleet Experience Bar & Grill? 382 00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:43,931 Huh. Maybe this will feel like we're at work. 383 00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:46,400 Ooh, look! The waiter's wearing one of those 384 00:15:46,434 --> 00:15:48,069 old velour uniforms that used to catch fire all the time. 385 00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:49,103 (both gasp) 386 00:15:49,137 --> 00:15:52,373 Oh, good eye, muffin... top. 387 00:15:52,406 --> 00:15:53,807 (both sigh) 388 00:15:53,841 --> 00:15:55,476 Do you think maybe we could-- I don't know-- 389 00:15:55,509 --> 00:15:56,944 just go back to acting like friends for a bit? 390 00:15:56,977 --> 00:15:59,480 Yes. Oh, man, I'm so glad you said something. 391 00:15:59,513 --> 00:16:00,748 Yeah. Who knew pretending to be 392 00:16:00,781 --> 00:16:02,783 in a relationship with each other would be 393 00:16:02,816 --> 00:16:04,918 -more nerve-racking than sealing a radiation leak? -Yeah. 394 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:07,621 Let's just keep it strictly friend stuff from now on. 395 00:16:07,655 --> 00:16:08,589 Agreed. 396 00:16:08,622 --> 00:16:09,857 -Hello, lovers. -BOTH: Aah! 397 00:16:09,890 --> 00:16:11,025 I'm so sorry. 398 00:16:11,059 --> 00:16:12,826 The waiter gave you the standard menus. 399 00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:14,328 -(glass shatters) -MALE: Hey! -He didn't know you were 400 00:16:14,362 --> 00:16:16,097 here for our deluxe romance package. 401 00:16:16,130 --> 00:16:19,067 Parth, buddy, you're a top-notch hug-cierge, 402 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,901 -but we have to come clean. -(alarm blares) 403 00:16:20,934 --> 00:16:23,204 Just a second. Hold that thought. 404 00:16:23,237 --> 00:16:25,206 -Well, well, well. -(alarm stops) 405 00:16:25,239 --> 00:16:26,540 It looks like we've caught 406 00:16:26,574 --> 00:16:28,342 two people lying about being a couple 407 00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:31,179 to defraud our company out of a discount. 408 00:16:31,212 --> 00:16:35,216 This is, of course, one of Ferenginar's worst felonies. 409 00:16:35,249 --> 00:16:37,017 So these two are hereby sentenced 410 00:16:37,051 --> 00:16:40,988 to a lifetime working in the subaquatic sulfur mines! 411 00:16:41,021 --> 00:16:42,690 (sighs) Sorry about that. 412 00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:44,758 Enforcing the law is my least favorite part of the job, 413 00:16:44,792 --> 00:16:47,128 but one that I take with deadly seriousness. 414 00:16:47,161 --> 00:16:48,796 Anyhoo, what were you admitting 415 00:16:48,829 --> 00:16:50,431 before I sentenced those two liars 416 00:16:50,464 --> 00:16:52,500 to a life of misery? 417 00:16:53,334 --> 00:16:55,569 That we are more in love than ever before! 418 00:16:55,603 --> 00:16:58,806 -That's right, smumpy. -Oh, good. 419 00:16:58,839 --> 00:17:01,909 Now for the most romantic meal possible. 420 00:17:01,942 --> 00:17:03,677 RUTHERFORD: Sexy chocolate statues 421 00:17:03,711 --> 00:17:05,413 of each other for dinner? 422 00:17:05,446 --> 00:17:07,047 -Great. -It's customary 423 00:17:07,081 --> 00:17:09,082 that after every bite you tell the whole restaurant 424 00:17:09,117 --> 00:17:11,219 something you find attractive about each other. 425 00:17:11,252 --> 00:17:14,388 The chairs can detect if you're lying, so be sincere. 426 00:17:15,289 --> 00:17:17,023 (cheering, whooping) 427 00:17:21,529 --> 00:17:23,630 MARINER: Oh, thanks for bailing me out of jail. 428 00:17:23,664 --> 00:17:25,666 Do you understand how many people I just had to bribe 429 00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,667 to keep your little drunken fistfight 430 00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:29,837 from ruining Starfleet's diplomatic mission? 431 00:17:29,870 --> 00:17:31,305 (retches) 432 00:17:31,339 --> 00:17:33,141 Hey, you know me, man. 433 00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:34,942 I'm a wild rogue, living on the edge of chaos. 434 00:17:34,975 --> 00:17:35,876 I sit weird in chairs. 435 00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:37,278 You can't predict me. (grunts) 436 00:17:37,311 --> 00:17:38,846 Usually your chaos means something. 437 00:17:38,879 --> 00:17:41,682 But it's weird this time. You seem angry about nothing. 438 00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:43,784 Yeah, right. Oh, look, if anyone's weird, it's you, 439 00:17:43,817 --> 00:17:45,653 Mr. "I Should Probably Be Getting to Bed." 440 00:17:45,686 --> 00:17:47,121 You've changed, dude. 441 00:17:47,155 --> 00:17:49,723 Yeah, I have. That's what happens when you're not 442 00:17:49,757 --> 00:17:52,493 stuck in a perpetual state of immature rebellion. 443 00:17:52,526 --> 00:17:53,861 Wow. Immature? 444 00:17:53,894 --> 00:17:55,463 You have all the support you ever wanted, 445 00:17:55,496 --> 00:17:57,365 nobody to scream at or rail against, 446 00:17:57,398 --> 00:17:59,733 and look at you-- still picking fights 447 00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,402 to make sure you get hurt. 448 00:18:01,435 --> 00:18:04,004 What? No. That-That's not what that was. 449 00:18:05,373 --> 00:18:07,808 I just want you to be careful. 450 00:18:07,841 --> 00:18:09,843 So you can live long enough to pay me back. 451 00:18:09,877 --> 00:18:11,479 If I lose any more, they'll have to 452 00:18:11,512 --> 00:18:12,913 put my account on this monument. 453 00:18:12,946 --> 00:18:15,283 -(Ferengi crying) -MARINER: Uh, isn't this 454 00:18:15,316 --> 00:18:16,984 a memorial to the dead? 455 00:18:17,017 --> 00:18:19,353 So much lost income! 456 00:18:19,387 --> 00:18:23,056 Is there no justice in this galaxy? 457 00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:25,926 Man, I got to give it to you, Ferengi keep it on-brand. 458 00:18:26,694 --> 00:18:29,897 Sorry I cost you money and got you punched. 459 00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:33,167 Mariner, I love you, but you need to figure out 460 00:18:33,201 --> 00:18:35,703 whatever's eating you up inside. 461 00:18:42,543 --> 00:18:44,077 -(patrons applauding) -Uh... 462 00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:47,981 Uh, Tendi's got... 463 00:18:48,015 --> 00:18:49,350 fun hair? 464 00:18:49,383 --> 00:18:51,452 (cheering) 465 00:18:51,485 --> 00:18:54,255 Uh, uh, I like your hair, too. 466 00:18:54,288 --> 00:18:55,989 PARTH: Congratulations. 467 00:18:56,023 --> 00:18:57,325 You have completed 468 00:18:57,358 --> 00:19:00,528 the Ferengi all-inclusive newlywed discount package. 469 00:19:00,561 --> 00:19:02,496 You may now consummate your marriage. 470 00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:03,731 -What?! -What?! 471 00:19:03,764 --> 00:19:05,633 (chuckles) Not where we can see you. 472 00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,968 -(both sigh) -You do it in the blind box, 473 00:19:08,001 --> 00:19:09,537 -where we can hear it. -(patrons exclaim) 474 00:19:09,570 --> 00:19:11,872 (groaning) 475 00:19:11,905 --> 00:19:13,674 Please alert the chef that I will be reviewing 476 00:19:13,707 --> 00:19:16,109 this restaurant for my planet's official foodie archives. 477 00:19:16,143 --> 00:19:17,645 My species invented space travel 478 00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:20,281 in order to seek out strange new meals. 479 00:19:20,314 --> 00:19:21,649 D'Vana, Samanthan! 480 00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:23,751 What a coincidence. These are, famously, 481 00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:26,554 the two closest platonic friends on my ship. 482 00:19:26,587 --> 00:19:28,589 -Huh? Platonic? -Hello! 483 00:19:28,622 --> 00:19:30,458 -Security! -Uh... -Um... 484 00:19:30,491 --> 00:19:34,262 -How dare you call us only friends?! -(patrons gasp) 485 00:19:34,295 --> 00:19:37,731 You've been trying to break up our love from the start! 486 00:19:37,765 --> 00:19:40,868 Uh, yeah. You know we both love you. 487 00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:42,403 You do? 488 00:19:42,436 --> 00:19:44,004 Just because the Ferengi newlywed discount 489 00:19:44,037 --> 00:19:46,340 can only be used by two out of the three of us, 490 00:19:46,374 --> 00:19:48,075 you have the nerve to come down here 491 00:19:48,108 --> 00:19:50,278 -and try to ruin our marriage? -MIGLEEMO: Wha... 492 00:19:50,311 --> 00:19:52,045 You guys love me? 493 00:19:52,079 --> 00:19:53,247 Of course we do. 494 00:19:53,281 --> 00:19:54,815 You're undeniably attractive to both of us. 495 00:19:54,848 --> 00:19:57,050 But now that I see you here, I want a divorce 496 00:19:57,084 --> 00:19:58,786 -so we can be together. -But we can't... 497 00:19:58,819 --> 00:20:01,622 Thanks so much, Migleemo. You ruined our marriage! 498 00:20:01,655 --> 00:20:03,257 We'll never forgive you. 499 00:20:03,291 --> 00:20:05,058 I didn't realize. I'm sorry. 500 00:20:05,092 --> 00:20:07,595 Please don't break up because of me. 501 00:20:07,628 --> 00:20:10,097 Security, stand down. 502 00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:11,899 RUTHERFORD: Now that we're divorced, 503 00:20:11,932 --> 00:20:13,200 we're going back to our ship 504 00:20:13,233 --> 00:20:15,536 -and never talking again. -That's right. 505 00:20:15,569 --> 00:20:18,472 Huh, I had no idea they were married 506 00:20:18,506 --> 00:20:20,207 or that they both loved me. 507 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,576 -Can I interest you in our homewrecker package? -(laughs) 508 00:20:22,610 --> 00:20:25,679 You don't have to throw up in my mouth twice. Let's do it. 509 00:20:25,713 --> 00:20:28,115 LEETA: In addition to the contractual changes, we are now 510 00:20:28,148 --> 00:20:30,584 allowed use of any ship in Starfleet at our discretion, 511 00:20:30,618 --> 00:20:33,521 whether we end up joining the Federation or not. 512 00:20:33,554 --> 00:20:35,456 And ten points on the back end of every holo-novel program 513 00:20:35,489 --> 00:20:36,857 in perpetuity. 514 00:20:36,890 --> 00:20:39,627 (sighs) I don't think they have back end, 515 00:20:39,660 --> 00:20:41,261 but yes, yes. 516 00:20:41,295 --> 00:20:42,863 -(whispers) -Uh-huh. 517 00:20:42,896 --> 00:20:45,366 Also, the Nagus would like you to dance for him. 518 00:20:45,399 --> 00:20:47,635 (sighs) 519 00:20:47,668 --> 00:20:49,737 (clears throat) I've made those changes 520 00:20:49,770 --> 00:20:52,340 and added a billion bars of gold-pressed latinum 521 00:20:52,373 --> 00:20:53,507 as a signing bonus. 522 00:20:53,541 --> 00:20:54,908 Wh-What? Captain! 523 00:20:54,942 --> 00:20:57,378 Keep dancing. Why so giving, Freeman? 524 00:20:57,411 --> 00:21:00,213 I just want to wrap this up and free the admiral 525 00:21:00,247 --> 00:21:02,683 before he signs away the entire fleet. (chuckles) 526 00:21:02,716 --> 00:21:05,986 -He's clearly under your thumb. -I am not! 527 00:21:06,019 --> 00:21:08,155 I don't buy it. There has to be a catch. 528 00:21:08,188 --> 00:21:10,891 Of course. I've added one provision. 529 00:21:10,924 --> 00:21:12,960 Here comes the other shoe. 530 00:21:12,993 --> 00:21:15,963 Before you receive any of these signing bonuses, 531 00:21:15,996 --> 00:21:19,099 you must recruit one other planet yourself, 532 00:21:19,132 --> 00:21:22,803 -since you're so good at it. -What are you thinking, Carol? 533 00:21:22,836 --> 00:21:24,137 That's nothing. We do it all the time. 534 00:21:24,171 --> 00:21:27,908 Ha! Do you realize what just happened? 535 00:21:27,941 --> 00:21:30,177 You know how many planets are in debt to us? 536 00:21:30,210 --> 00:21:32,546 Bringing just one in will be nothing. 537 00:21:32,580 --> 00:21:34,482 We'll be in debt to them forever. 538 00:21:34,515 --> 00:21:36,817 It's all right, Admiral. They get nothing. 539 00:21:36,850 --> 00:21:38,251 -We're done here. -(Rom laughs) 540 00:21:38,285 --> 00:21:39,920 What? What do you mean? 541 00:21:39,953 --> 00:21:41,221 You owe us a fortune. 542 00:21:41,254 --> 00:21:44,425 Yes, contingent on bringing in a planet. 543 00:21:44,458 --> 00:21:47,060 But I didn't say which planet. 544 00:21:47,094 --> 00:21:48,729 You might want to read the fine print. 545 00:21:48,762 --> 00:21:50,330 (muttering) 546 00:21:50,364 --> 00:21:53,467 Qo'noS, the Klingon homeworld? That's impossible! 547 00:21:53,501 --> 00:21:54,868 Oh, I know. 548 00:21:54,902 --> 00:21:57,037 You forgot the eighth rule of acquisition. 549 00:21:57,070 --> 00:22:00,007 "Small print leads to large risk." 550 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,810 (gasps) You swindled like a true Ferengi. 551 00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:04,645 I swear I had nothing to do with this. 552 00:22:04,678 --> 00:22:07,014 You're lucky she did. As much as we're 553 00:22:07,047 --> 00:22:08,749 in favor of joining the Federation, 554 00:22:08,782 --> 00:22:11,919 the Grand Nagus can't sign with a bunch of suckers and rubes. 555 00:22:11,952 --> 00:22:14,287 Captain Freeman, you showed me that there are those 556 00:22:14,321 --> 00:22:16,724 in the Federation who respect our culture. 557 00:22:16,757 --> 00:22:19,460 Let's start over. Bring me the standard papers. 558 00:22:19,493 --> 00:22:21,662 I'll sign. 559 00:22:26,133 --> 00:22:28,636 (sighs) Please accept my apologies. 560 00:22:28,669 --> 00:22:30,337 I shouldn't have doubted you. 561 00:22:30,370 --> 00:22:32,773 I'll be relaying your acuity to Command. 562 00:22:32,806 --> 00:22:35,208 Thank you, Admiral. Happy to be of aid. 563 00:22:35,242 --> 00:22:38,612 Now, who wants to check out my batting cages? 564 00:22:38,646 --> 00:22:42,416 FREEMAN: With the application submitted, so begins the first step 565 00:22:42,450 --> 00:22:44,918 to the Ferengi joining the Federation. 566 00:22:44,952 --> 00:22:46,920 There are many more hurdles to leap, 567 00:22:46,954 --> 00:22:50,090 but today felt like a good start. 568 00:22:51,492 --> 00:22:54,562 Well, Mariner, was guide duty as fun as rumored? 569 00:22:54,595 --> 00:22:56,029 Uh, I had to take out a predatory loan 570 00:22:56,063 --> 00:22:57,264 from one of my closest friends, 571 00:22:57,297 --> 00:22:58,932 apparently I get in fights for no reason, 572 00:22:58,966 --> 00:23:01,935 and I can feel my hangover in my entire spine. 573 00:23:01,969 --> 00:23:03,571 Why are you getting into fights? 574 00:23:03,604 --> 00:23:05,606 Ugh. You wouldn't understand. 575 00:23:05,639 --> 00:23:07,741 Okay. How about you two? 576 00:23:07,775 --> 00:23:09,009 How was the couple's retreat? 577 00:23:09,042 --> 00:23:10,844 Oh, faking a relationship was way, 578 00:23:10,878 --> 00:23:12,379 way out of our comfort zone, sir. 579 00:23:12,412 --> 00:23:15,115 Yeah, we just don't have any natural chemistry. 580 00:23:15,148 --> 00:23:17,985 -Want to help me reroute that phase conduit? -Sure. 581 00:23:18,018 --> 00:23:19,487 Ha! 582 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,889 We got to squeeze in there. 583 00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:23,857 -Hand me the spanner. -On it. 584 00:23:23,891 --> 00:23:25,993 (sighs) Now, this makes sense. 585 00:23:26,026 --> 00:23:28,862 Wait, where's Mr. Boimler? 586 00:23:28,896 --> 00:23:30,363 (PADD rings) 587 00:23:30,397 --> 00:23:32,533 Mr. Boimler, did you do too many locations? 588 00:23:32,566 --> 00:23:34,167 -Are you in need of aid? -Uh, no. 589 00:23:34,201 --> 00:23:37,738 I watched eight hours straight of Ferengi programming. 590 00:23:37,771 --> 00:23:39,840 I'm sorry I let you down, sir. 591 00:23:39,873 --> 00:23:42,075 -Honestly, I'm proud of you. -Really? 592 00:23:42,109 --> 00:23:44,277 You've always had a problem going with the flow, 593 00:23:44,311 --> 00:23:46,880 but today it looks like you got out of your own way. 594 00:23:46,914 --> 00:23:48,281 Thank you, sir. 595 00:23:48,315 --> 00:23:49,550 I've authorized the local authorities 596 00:23:49,583 --> 00:23:50,918 to drag you out of there. 597 00:23:50,951 --> 00:23:52,185 Just go limp, don't fight them. 598 00:23:52,219 --> 00:23:53,721 -(Boimler screaming) -Get out of here! 599 00:23:54,622 --> 00:23:56,557 -(laughs) -(screaming continues) 600 00:23:56,590 --> 00:23:57,991 I really like that lieutenant. 601 00:23:58,025 --> 00:23:59,627 -(whip cracking) -BOIMLER: Oh! Aah! 602 00:23:59,660 --> 00:24:03,731 Oh! Oh, no. Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! (grunts) 603 00:24:08,235 --> 00:24:11,672 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 604 00:24:58,285 --> 00:25:00,087 (man imitates weapons firing) 605 00:25:01,922 --> 00:25:04,792 Chirp.